A vital skill in becoming an effective communicator is the ability to listen. Listening skills are not taught in school, and sadly are largely undeveloped skill in many people. To listen effectively is a powerful skill that can be learnt and practiced. You will gain more respect and esteem through listening rather than through talking
It’s funny how sometimes you associate a certain phrase with someone. I knew someone called Ray and what I remember about him the most was when he was listening to someone talk he would keep saying “I hear you” I would wonder whether he was saying that because he heard, but disagreed with what the person was saying, or if it was a noncommittal filler
There is however a great difference between hearing and listening. Hearing refers to the physical dimension of the sound waves striking the ear and the brain processing them into meaningful information. Listening, however, involves far more than the hearing process. It incorporates paying attention and focusing with the intention of understanding and responding appropriately.
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Not only that but when people feel that you have really listened to them, you will gain their respect and they will value and give you the credibility to speak.
Consider how you feel when you sense someone is really listening to what you have to say.
You feel good, you feel understood, and more connected to the person who is listening. The fact that they are interested causes you to feel cared for.
One important element of listening is the ability to attend.
Attending is the process where we focus in on a message and filter out others that are distracting. It is to be able to focus on what the person is saying, and filter out all the other things that may be happening at the same time.
Someone once said (his name was anonymous) that the reason history repeats itself is because no one was listening the first time. When I first heard that, I realized history always repeating in my house especially around bedtime! That is the time when my kids practice attending. They focus on what they are doing (and it’s not homework) and filter me out as a distraction each time I remind them that it’s bedtime!
One of the biggest distractions to attending is our desire to talk
The desire to talk is so strong that while the other person is talking we can be thinking about what we are going to say next, and waiting for an opportunity to speak. As we focus on what we are going to say or interject, our attention goes from what the person is saying to our own thoughts. Although appearing to be interested and attentive, we can easily be distracted by our thoughts or something else that may be happening at the same time. At that point perhaps we do fall into merely hearing and not listening. Our mind’s attention has drifted onto other things and is no longer intent on understanding and responding.
True listening is a skill which needs to be learnt and practiced because the mind functions seven times more quickly than it is possible to speak. Therefore the mind needs to be slowed down and focused on what the person is saying, and not pay attention to other irrelevant thoughts or distractions.
One of my all time favourite books is “The Success Principles” written by Jack Canfield.
One of the Principles he writes about in the book is how to use the power of listening as a way of building rapport and connecting with people. Jack created a series of four questions that he uses in personal and business situations. He asks the questions one after another. The first time he tried it was with his sister Kim. He asked the first question and listened to her response. When she had finished he asked the next question, and continued in this manner through all the questions.
Afterwards Kim smiled said to him “That’s the best conversation I think we’ve ever had. I feel so clear and focused. I know exactly what I need to go and do now. Thank you” He was amazed as he hadn’t said a word except to ask the four questions, and had resisted the inclination to jump in with his own responses. He has found this works everytime and uses the questions frequently.
I have used this strategy, but by using my own questions and have been amazed at the results. Not only have the questions given me a greater understanding of the person, but through the fact of actively listening to people without commenting or putting my 2 cents worth in they have experienced encouragement and a sense of connectedness. I now make sure that I ask questions and listen more than I speak.
I want you to take a moment now to think of a question that you could use to practice actively listening, and resist the impulse to speak. When you have the opportunity, use your question or questions and experience the power of building rapport with others through the power of listening.
Montag, 23. September 2019
The Awesome Power Of Words
On some playground as I child, I learned to sing the song “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” I guess that was to appease the bullies on the playground as we stuck out our tongues at them, but in reality it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Words do hurt and they can do great harm. Wars have been fought because of words.
There are many people who are struggling in life today not because of physical injuries on a playground but from words spoken out in anger, rage or disgust. Physical injuries through the years have healed fast and words have not healed so fast. For many, negative and destructive words play over and over like a bad movie in the heart and soul.
Words are very powerful. We listen to the words spoken to us and they impact us more than we realize. They move us, inspire us to action, comfort and encourage us, bring healing or they can crush us and devastate us. We are changed either positively or negatively simply because of words. We are even impacted by our own words and tend to follow what we have declared. You have heard people say they are not good enough, smart enough and it seems that their life follows suit. They almost become self-fulfilling prophecies.
I am reminded what the writer of Proverbs says about the power of words:
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:20
“A fool’s mouth is his undoing and his lips are a snare to his soul.” Proverbs 18:7
Be careful of what you say as it just might come to pass. I am not advocating that we never speak what is reality. If we are hurt, angry or depressed, denying it is not going to make it go away. I do think it would serve us well to take inventory of our speech. What would it be like to tape ourselves on any given today? We probably would not be very happy by what we heard. What are we declaring about ourselves on a daily basis? What is our self-talk like?
When we speak, we really are listening to our own words and those words are impacting us either positively or negatively. What would happen if our words started sounding more like God’s words about us? What would happen if were intentional about speaking words that brought life and encouragement to ourselves and others?
Our words are powerful. They are ever changing us and others around us. What kind of life do we really want to live? If our tongues have the power of life and death and you and I are going to eat the fruit of our conversations, I say it’s time to start speaking in the right direction. If we can learn to encourage, build up and not to tear down ourselves or others around us, I believe we will experience powerful changes of good “fruit” in our lives!
There are many people who are struggling in life today not because of physical injuries on a playground but from words spoken out in anger, rage or disgust. Physical injuries through the years have healed fast and words have not healed so fast. For many, negative and destructive words play over and over like a bad movie in the heart and soul.
Words are very powerful. We listen to the words spoken to us and they impact us more than we realize. They move us, inspire us to action, comfort and encourage us, bring healing or they can crush us and devastate us. We are changed either positively or negatively simply because of words. We are even impacted by our own words and tend to follow what we have declared. You have heard people say they are not good enough, smart enough and it seems that their life follows suit. They almost become self-fulfilling prophecies.
I am reminded what the writer of Proverbs says about the power of words:
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:20
“A fool’s mouth is his undoing and his lips are a snare to his soul.” Proverbs 18:7
Be careful of what you say as it just might come to pass. I am not advocating that we never speak what is reality. If we are hurt, angry or depressed, denying it is not going to make it go away. I do think it would serve us well to take inventory of our speech. What would it be like to tape ourselves on any given today? We probably would not be very happy by what we heard. What are we declaring about ourselves on a daily basis? What is our self-talk like?
When we speak, we really are listening to our own words and those words are impacting us either positively or negatively. What would happen if our words started sounding more like God’s words about us? What would happen if were intentional about speaking words that brought life and encouragement to ourselves and others?
Our words are powerful. They are ever changing us and others around us. What kind of life do we really want to live? If our tongues have the power of life and death and you and I are going to eat the fruit of our conversations, I say it’s time to start speaking in the right direction. If we can learn to encourage, build up and not to tear down ourselves or others around us, I believe we will experience powerful changes of good “fruit” in our lives!
Four Laws Of The Mind Essential For Effective Self Hypnosis
To make your self hypnosis effective you need to be aware of certain principles. If you are not aware of the following laws of the mind then you may end up creating the opposite of what you desire with your self hypnosis practice.
1. Every thought affects the body as well.
In other words, although the mind and the body are understood to be separate in practice it doesn’t work that way. Mental stress can create knots in your back or even give you ulcers. Therefore, Be aware of your thinking. If you are negative all the time to yourself or about your surroundings it is the same as negative self hypnosis.
2. What you expect tends to be realized.
If you wake up telling yourself you will have a bad day you probably will. In other words your expectations drive your results. Negative expectations is the same as negative self hypnosis.
3. Imagination is stronger than knowledge.
You ‘know’ that ghosts and monsters do not exist. Yet hearing ghost stories at night will create fear. Especially if sitting around a campfire in a forest. There is no contest. Imagination will always win. Another point for the importance of positive thoughts and visualizations in your practice of self hypnosis.
4. What you resist the most stays with you.
Have you ever had to stop doing something and found that its more difficult than you realized? Maybe you have had occasion to go on a diet and suddenly foods that you couldn’t have cared less about start looking very appetizing? Maybe there was/is someone who irritates you and you know there is no reason to. So you try to keep the irritation away but it gets to you even more?
I could go on and on with examples. Basically, when you resist something it tends to stick. This happens because when you resist you have to think of the very thing you are trying to resist, so it’s continuously on your mind.
It’s as if someone told you that they would give you a $1000 if you don’t think of a pink elephant all day. I’m sure you don’t spend your time thinking of something as random as a pink elephant. However, trying to resist that image of a pink elephant with a $1000 on the line would be impossible.
In other words, what you resist tends to stay with you. Which means that in focusing on an affirmation for self hypnosis you have to phrase the affirmation in the positive. I.e. affirm what you want to achieve and NOT on what you don’t want.
Follow these four laws of the mind and your day to day thoughts will be more guided in a positive direction. Of course, your thoughts create your internal emotional states which is the same as self hypnosis. So you have to be aware of your thoughts to create the state of being that you desire.
Party Jokes Startling But Unnecessary
Here, I focus on a range of items and features that we use in life without giving them a second thought such as Coca Cola, body muscles and holding ones own breath. Though, most of these notes are not fundamentally necessary, they are such that you can use them for a good laugh, at a drinks party or for picking up women or men.
1) Coca-Cola: Did you know that its original colour was green?
2) Mohammed: Did you know that this is the most used name in the entire world?
3) Geographical Letters: Did you know that the name of each of the continents begins and concludes with the exact same alphabet? Do not believe that? Look up Asia, Europe, Africa, America, Antarctica and the rest.
4) Muscle Strength: Did you know that the strongest muscle in the entire body is that one which we use to lick a popsicle? Your tongue.
5) Credit Cards: In the United States, were you aware that each and every person has at least two credit cards?
6) An Antique Machine: The word for an old machine that was once used for writing letters and other documents is the largest word that one can make if they click only on a single row of their computer’s keyboard: typewriter!
7) Blink: Men wink at women, but research has found out that the average woman blinks nearly two times more than the average man.
8) Suicide: Even though you might have wondered if it was possible, studies have discovered that it is impossible to kill oneself by simply holding in your breath.
9) Licking: However much you may try, you will never be able to lick your elbows.
10) Sneeze: Try sneezing. People will automatically answer you with a bless you greeting. Have you ever imagined why? Some say that this happens because a sneeze stops the functioning of the heart for a very tiny second.
11) The Blue Sky: Did you know that a pig, no matter how much they try, cannot look up into the sky?
12) Twisting Your Tongue: We have all dabbled with different tongue-twisters in our day. But do you know which is the toughest? Sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick.
13) Ribs: Did you know that you should try not to sneeze too strongly. Why? A very powerful sneeze has the ability to cause a fracture in your ribcage. But, then again, if you try and withhold one, you stand the chance of breaking one of the many blood vessels in your neck or head. This could cause death.
14) Cards: Did you think that the Kings are all just random cards referring to random figures? No. Each one signifies a different king: Diamonds for Julius Caesar, Clubs for Alexander the Great, Spades for David and Hearts for Charlemagne.
15) And finally: Most everyone reading this (Caught You!) are trying to lick their elbows at this exact moment!
1) Coca-Cola: Did you know that its original colour was green?
2) Mohammed: Did you know that this is the most used name in the entire world?
3) Geographical Letters: Did you know that the name of each of the continents begins and concludes with the exact same alphabet? Do not believe that? Look up Asia, Europe, Africa, America, Antarctica and the rest.
4) Muscle Strength: Did you know that the strongest muscle in the entire body is that one which we use to lick a popsicle? Your tongue.
5) Credit Cards: In the United States, were you aware that each and every person has at least two credit cards?
6) An Antique Machine: The word for an old machine that was once used for writing letters and other documents is the largest word that one can make if they click only on a single row of their computer’s keyboard: typewriter!
7) Blink: Men wink at women, but research has found out that the average woman blinks nearly two times more than the average man.
8) Suicide: Even though you might have wondered if it was possible, studies have discovered that it is impossible to kill oneself by simply holding in your breath.
9) Licking: However much you may try, you will never be able to lick your elbows.
10) Sneeze: Try sneezing. People will automatically answer you with a bless you greeting. Have you ever imagined why? Some say that this happens because a sneeze stops the functioning of the heart for a very tiny second.
11) The Blue Sky: Did you know that a pig, no matter how much they try, cannot look up into the sky?
12) Twisting Your Tongue: We have all dabbled with different tongue-twisters in our day. But do you know which is the toughest? Sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick.
13) Ribs: Did you know that you should try not to sneeze too strongly. Why? A very powerful sneeze has the ability to cause a fracture in your ribcage. But, then again, if you try and withhold one, you stand the chance of breaking one of the many blood vessels in your neck or head. This could cause death.
14) Cards: Did you think that the Kings are all just random cards referring to random figures? No. Each one signifies a different king: Diamonds for Julius Caesar, Clubs for Alexander the Great, Spades for David and Hearts for Charlemagne.
15) And finally: Most everyone reading this (Caught You!) are trying to lick their elbows at this exact moment!
The Heart Warming Gratitude
Thank you very much. I am obliged. Gratitude, a quality that is a must to live a good life. Gratitude, a quality that makes both the giver and the receiver happy. Somebody helped me and I forgot about it. Somebody helped me and I remembered it and said thanks. What is better? Many of us forget to thank. We take everything for granted. We take help as our right.
How many of us express gratitude towards earth for allowing us to live on it? How many of us express gratitude towards sun for giving us its light and life to us? How many of us express gratitude to water for quenching our thirst? How many of us say thanks to flowers for making us happy? All of us take these for granted. We don’t express gratitude to our own body to survive in this world. Gratitude has a great quality. It makes one who expresses gratitude feel very good. Try it and you will find your heart filling with warmth.
Husband takes wife for granted and vice versa. People are forgetting the art of saying thank you. Why not make other person feel good? By receiving a thanks, the recipient feels worthy. I am a good person. I did something good, so I am getting this Thanks. Why should we miss even the smallest opportunity to express thanks? It costs us nothing. But it is invaluable for one who gets it. Even the smallest gesture made by any body deserves our gratitude. A cab driver, a flower seller, a guard, an attendant, a waiter, everyone who does anything for us, should be told- Thank you very much.
Life is tough for all of us. There is no charm left for many of us in the routine of work. A thank you brings beauty in a dull life. Like a rainbow in the sky, an expression of thanks decorates the heart of the giver and the recipient. The way rain quenches the dry earth, gratitude quenches the desires of hearts to feel good. It quenches the thirst of the hearts. Let us all express our heart warming gratitude and make our earth a better place.
How many of us express gratitude towards earth for allowing us to live on it? How many of us express gratitude towards sun for giving us its light and life to us? How many of us express gratitude to water for quenching our thirst? How many of us say thanks to flowers for making us happy? All of us take these for granted. We don’t express gratitude to our own body to survive in this world. Gratitude has a great quality. It makes one who expresses gratitude feel very good. Try it and you will find your heart filling with warmth.
Husband takes wife for granted and vice versa. People are forgetting the art of saying thank you. Why not make other person feel good? By receiving a thanks, the recipient feels worthy. I am a good person. I did something good, so I am getting this Thanks. Why should we miss even the smallest opportunity to express thanks? It costs us nothing. But it is invaluable for one who gets it. Even the smallest gesture made by any body deserves our gratitude. A cab driver, a flower seller, a guard, an attendant, a waiter, everyone who does anything for us, should be told- Thank you very much.
Life is tough for all of us. There is no charm left for many of us in the routine of work. A thank you brings beauty in a dull life. Like a rainbow in the sky, an expression of thanks decorates the heart of the giver and the recipient. The way rain quenches the dry earth, gratitude quenches the desires of hearts to feel good. It quenches the thirst of the hearts. Let us all express our heart warming gratitude and make our earth a better place.
Performance Anxiety
Beverly had suffered from anxiety most of her life. As a child, she slept poorly and often had nightmares. She bit her nails and would chew on the skin around her nails until they were raw and bleeding.
Beverly had tried many forms of therapy, meditation and medication before consulting with me. She had a strong belief in God and prayed daily. Yet she was still anxious and could not understand the source of her anxiety.
Beverly grew up in a “normal” household with two parents who seemingly loved her. Yet as we explored her childhood, it became apparent that, while there was no overt abuse, the covert emotional abuse was constant. Her parents were highly critical of her and would get angry and withdraw when she didn’t perform to their expectations. Her mother was not affectionate and her father’s affection was tinged with sexual energy that frightened her.
Beverly felt tense much of the time in her home. Her parents fought a lot and her mother would often end up crying hysterically while her father withdrew behind his newspaper. What she did not see in her household was any role-modeling for taking personal responsibility for her own feelings. Her mother would blame her and her father whenever she was unhappy, while her father would blame her and her mother for his upsets. Beverly always tried to be a good girl and be there for her parents, but no one was ever there for her.
It’s easy to see why Beverly was so anxious as a child. But what was causing her anxiety as an adult?
The problem was that Beverly had never learned how to be a loving parent to herself, because her parents had not been loving to her or to themselves. She was kind and generous with others, but she tended to ignore her own feelings and needs. The little girl inside Beverly, her Inner Child, felt alone and abandoned inside most of the time. In addition, she was highly critical of herself, just as her parents had been with her. She was constantly telling herself that she couldn’t do anything right.
Beverly was treating herself just as her parents had treated her and themselves. Little Beverly did not have a powerful loving inner adult to attend to her feelings or speak up for her with others. Instead, she was neglectful or critical of herself. Due to abandoning herself and not giving herself love and approval, she was constantly seeking approval from others. As a result, Beverly felt anxious in many situations with others – with friends, at work, as well as with her husband and children. She was constantly trying to “perform” right so people would approve of her or not be mad at her. She was constantly suffering from “performance anxiety.”
Beverly saw that much of her anxiety centered around wanting to control how others saw her and treated her. She realized that she judged herself in the hopes of getting herself to perform right. She noticed that she was constantly seeking others’ approval because of being so critical of herself.
Learning to be compassionate with herself rather than judgmental was a challenge that took time and dedication. She was so used to judging herself that she would do it without realizing it. Through her inner work, Beverly became aware of the fact that most of the critical things she told herself about herself were just not true – they were beliefs she had absorbed from her parents but were not the reality of who she was. As she paid attention to her self-judgments, she noticed that her anxiety was directly related to her judgments, false beliefs, and desire to control getting approval from others.
As Beverly slowly learned to be a loving inner parent rather than a critical one, her anxiety gradually diminished. Any time it she felt anxious, she could now trace it back to something she had told herself that not only was not true, but was self-critical. She discovered that she had been using her spiritual connection as a way of avoiding responsibility for herself, rather than as guidance in what was loving to herself. As she opened to learning about what was loving to herself, she gained more access to and connection with her spiritual source of guidance. The more Beverly took loving care of herself, the more inner peace she attained.
Beverly had tried many forms of therapy, meditation and medication before consulting with me. She had a strong belief in God and prayed daily. Yet she was still anxious and could not understand the source of her anxiety.
Beverly grew up in a “normal” household with two parents who seemingly loved her. Yet as we explored her childhood, it became apparent that, while there was no overt abuse, the covert emotional abuse was constant. Her parents were highly critical of her and would get angry and withdraw when she didn’t perform to their expectations. Her mother was not affectionate and her father’s affection was tinged with sexual energy that frightened her.
Beverly felt tense much of the time in her home. Her parents fought a lot and her mother would often end up crying hysterically while her father withdrew behind his newspaper. What she did not see in her household was any role-modeling for taking personal responsibility for her own feelings. Her mother would blame her and her father whenever she was unhappy, while her father would blame her and her mother for his upsets. Beverly always tried to be a good girl and be there for her parents, but no one was ever there for her.
It’s easy to see why Beverly was so anxious as a child. But what was causing her anxiety as an adult?
The problem was that Beverly had never learned how to be a loving parent to herself, because her parents had not been loving to her or to themselves. She was kind and generous with others, but she tended to ignore her own feelings and needs. The little girl inside Beverly, her Inner Child, felt alone and abandoned inside most of the time. In addition, she was highly critical of herself, just as her parents had been with her. She was constantly telling herself that she couldn’t do anything right.
Beverly was treating herself just as her parents had treated her and themselves. Little Beverly did not have a powerful loving inner adult to attend to her feelings or speak up for her with others. Instead, she was neglectful or critical of herself. Due to abandoning herself and not giving herself love and approval, she was constantly seeking approval from others. As a result, Beverly felt anxious in many situations with others – with friends, at work, as well as with her husband and children. She was constantly trying to “perform” right so people would approve of her or not be mad at her. She was constantly suffering from “performance anxiety.”
Beverly saw that much of her anxiety centered around wanting to control how others saw her and treated her. She realized that she judged herself in the hopes of getting herself to perform right. She noticed that she was constantly seeking others’ approval because of being so critical of herself.
Learning to be compassionate with herself rather than judgmental was a challenge that took time and dedication. She was so used to judging herself that she would do it without realizing it. Through her inner work, Beverly became aware of the fact that most of the critical things she told herself about herself were just not true – they were beliefs she had absorbed from her parents but were not the reality of who she was. As she paid attention to her self-judgments, she noticed that her anxiety was directly related to her judgments, false beliefs, and desire to control getting approval from others.
As Beverly slowly learned to be a loving inner parent rather than a critical one, her anxiety gradually diminished. Any time it she felt anxious, she could now trace it back to something she had told herself that not only was not true, but was self-critical. She discovered that she had been using her spiritual connection as a way of avoiding responsibility for herself, rather than as guidance in what was loving to herself. As she opened to learning about what was loving to herself, she gained more access to and connection with her spiritual source of guidance. The more Beverly took loving care of herself, the more inner peace she attained.
Simple Reasoning For A Complex World
A professor of philosophy stood before his classroom silently as the last of his students filed in and found their seats. With a number of different items on the table in front of him, he waited motionlessly for the late bell then lifted a large, empty glass beaker over his head for all to see.
Like a magician showing nothing up his sleeve, he panned all corners of the room then placed the beaker back on the table and quietly began filling it with golf balls, one by one.
When finished, he raised the vessel over his head again and spoke. “Who among you will tell me this beaker is full?” The students, anticipating something, slowly raised their hands looking around at each other. A few answered yes, aloud.
Everyone agreed the beaker was full.
The professor placed the beaker down on the table and quietly continued. He picked up a pail of pebbles and poured them clanging into the glass container as he looked over his glasses at the group. He gave the large container an easy shake and the pebbles dutifully settled into the open spaces around the golf balls. Then he poured in the rest, topping it off.
He raised the beaker filled with golf balls and pebbles above his head and asked again, “who among you will tell me this beaker is full?” Again an uncertain show of hands and a smattering of yeses confirmed the glass was indeed full.
The professor stared at his befuddled students.
Still holding the beaker above his head, a tense quiet filled the room. Then, setting it back on the table he reached for another container and poured its contents into the large glass. The students in muffled mumble watched grains of sand find their way into every void left by the irregularly shaped pebbles and golf balls until the glass beaker could hold no more. The room became hush as the students anticipated the next question.
Now, too heavy to lift the professor stepped back and asked again, “who among you will tell me without a doubt this beaker is full?” Every student in the room shot their hands in the air certain the glass was full and the pay-off was about to be revealed.
A unanimous yes rang out.
Showing the hint of a smile, but eyes still fixed on the group, the professor reached below the table and produced a large cup. He held it up for all to see and poured its entire contents into the glass over the golf balls, pebbles and sand. All watched intently as coffee filled every last void the grains of sand had not.
This time moans and laughter filled the room.
“Now! the professor bellowed, I want you all to look at this glass beaker as your life. It is strong enough to hold all of its contents inside, yet frail enough to be destroyed with one careless move.”
“The golf balls, he continued, represent the most important things in your life; your family and friends, your faith, your good health and your passions – things that if all else in your life were lost, you would still remain full.”
“The pebbles represent other things in life that are important such as your job, your house, your car and your most important possessions. The sand – the sand is everything else.
The sand is the small stuff.
The professor then stood up on the table, pointed down at the beaker and in a serious, almost angry tone declared, “if you fill your life with small stuff first, there will be no room for the things that are important in your life like the things these pebbles represent.”
“And if you fill your life with small stuff there will be no room for the things that truly give your life meaning like the things these golf balls represent.”
He leaped from the table and began pacing the floor in front of everyone. He stopped, looked at the class, and removing his glasses said softly, “please realize, if you spend all of your energy focused on the small stuff – life’s minutia – you will never find the energy to devote to the things that truly define your lives – the things that truly shape your existence.”
“Don’t sweat the small stuff,” he slammed his fist down on the table.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Enjoy your family. Love your brothers and sister, parents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Appreciate your grandparents if you are still fortunate enough to have them with you. And take time to take care of yourself – your health, your peace of mind and your emotional stability. Without these things you are nothing.”
“There will always be time to play, to go to the mall, to watch television, to relax. But you must learn to appreciate the air you breathe, the ground beneath your feet, the roof above your head and the stars beyond that. You see intelligent people, everything else is just sand.”
The class was stunned and remained silent.
Then one student raised his hand and asked. “What does the coffee represent?” The professor smiled. He seemed satisfied.
“I’m glad you asked, he said, returning his glasses to his face. That’s the one thing I want you never to forget.”
He collected his papers and bag, looked up at the group and said, “how ever full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend. Now go live life. Class dismissed.”
Like a magician showing nothing up his sleeve, he panned all corners of the room then placed the beaker back on the table and quietly began filling it with golf balls, one by one.
When finished, he raised the vessel over his head again and spoke. “Who among you will tell me this beaker is full?” The students, anticipating something, slowly raised their hands looking around at each other. A few answered yes, aloud.
Everyone agreed the beaker was full.
The professor placed the beaker down on the table and quietly continued. He picked up a pail of pebbles and poured them clanging into the glass container as he looked over his glasses at the group. He gave the large container an easy shake and the pebbles dutifully settled into the open spaces around the golf balls. Then he poured in the rest, topping it off.
He raised the beaker filled with golf balls and pebbles above his head and asked again, “who among you will tell me this beaker is full?” Again an uncertain show of hands and a smattering of yeses confirmed the glass was indeed full.
The professor stared at his befuddled students.
Still holding the beaker above his head, a tense quiet filled the room. Then, setting it back on the table he reached for another container and poured its contents into the large glass. The students in muffled mumble watched grains of sand find their way into every void left by the irregularly shaped pebbles and golf balls until the glass beaker could hold no more. The room became hush as the students anticipated the next question.
Now, too heavy to lift the professor stepped back and asked again, “who among you will tell me without a doubt this beaker is full?” Every student in the room shot their hands in the air certain the glass was full and the pay-off was about to be revealed.
A unanimous yes rang out.
Showing the hint of a smile, but eyes still fixed on the group, the professor reached below the table and produced a large cup. He held it up for all to see and poured its entire contents into the glass over the golf balls, pebbles and sand. All watched intently as coffee filled every last void the grains of sand had not.
This time moans and laughter filled the room.
“Now! the professor bellowed, I want you all to look at this glass beaker as your life. It is strong enough to hold all of its contents inside, yet frail enough to be destroyed with one careless move.”
“The golf balls, he continued, represent the most important things in your life; your family and friends, your faith, your good health and your passions – things that if all else in your life were lost, you would still remain full.”
“The pebbles represent other things in life that are important such as your job, your house, your car and your most important possessions. The sand – the sand is everything else.
The sand is the small stuff.
The professor then stood up on the table, pointed down at the beaker and in a serious, almost angry tone declared, “if you fill your life with small stuff first, there will be no room for the things that are important in your life like the things these pebbles represent.”
“And if you fill your life with small stuff there will be no room for the things that truly give your life meaning like the things these golf balls represent.”
He leaped from the table and began pacing the floor in front of everyone. He stopped, looked at the class, and removing his glasses said softly, “please realize, if you spend all of your energy focused on the small stuff – life’s minutia – you will never find the energy to devote to the things that truly define your lives – the things that truly shape your existence.”
“Don’t sweat the small stuff,” he slammed his fist down on the table.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Enjoy your family. Love your brothers and sister, parents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Appreciate your grandparents if you are still fortunate enough to have them with you. And take time to take care of yourself – your health, your peace of mind and your emotional stability. Without these things you are nothing.”
“There will always be time to play, to go to the mall, to watch television, to relax. But you must learn to appreciate the air you breathe, the ground beneath your feet, the roof above your head and the stars beyond that. You see intelligent people, everything else is just sand.”
The class was stunned and remained silent.
Then one student raised his hand and asked. “What does the coffee represent?” The professor smiled. He seemed satisfied.
“I’m glad you asked, he said, returning his glasses to his face. That’s the one thing I want you never to forget.”
He collected his papers and bag, looked up at the group and said, “how ever full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend. Now go live life. Class dismissed.”
How To Maintain Your Mental Health
In recent years people have realized the importance of proper diet and exercise, and recent surveys show that over the last 20 years people are eating better and working out more often, resulting in people living longer, but people are still lacking in their understanding that their mental well being is just as important as their physical health.
Today most people get on average 4 to 6 hours of exercise every day, and make sure that everything they put in their mouths is not filled with sugars or preservatives, but they pay no attention to their mental health, no vacations, not even the occasional long weekend, 60 hour weeks, taking work home with them and even working weekends. All of this for hopes of one day getting that big promotion. What good will it do you when your brain overloads and you have a breakdown in the office.
In the end your physical health will suffer no matter how well you eat and how often you exercise. You will wind up with high blood pressure, stress and tension all of which raises the chances of you having a stroke or heart attack.
In hopes of helping you avoid this I am providing you with the things I do to keep my mental health in tip top condition.
My absolute favorite thing to do to refocus myself is to go for a long ride on my Harley. Nothing brings the world back into focus like riding free like the wind, there is no better forms of therapy as far as I am concerned.
Another great way to relieve the stresses in your life and help put a sparkle in your mental health is a trip to the casinos. Most people go to the casinos and expect to go home a winner, I do not. I go to have a good time.
I enjoy the skill required in
Sometime I just like to sit at a poker table, blackjack table or roulette table and just make small bets. This may not be as exciting as risking large sums of money, but in the end I play longer, and I probably win more often. The best part is because I do not expect to win I am not disappointed when I don’t win, and on those occasions that I do win beside going home with more money I have a supper big smile on my face because the night was all that much better.
Another reason why I love the casinos is how far they are from where I live so I can take my bike out in the morning have a good 3 hour drive to Atlantic City then at the end of the day I get to enjoy another 3 hours on my Harley, and if the weather is really bad I can either take my truck or just stay home and log on to one of the many online casinos available to choose from.
I also enjoy watching an hour or 2 of television every night, some light sitcoms are a great way to lighten your minds load, and laughing out loud for 30 seconds every day is a great way to release stress.
Video games are also great for stress release, if you are mad at your boss what better way to get it out of you then boxing, just imagine you are pounding on your boss and hope you don’t lose.
I hope you try some of these methods or think of some of your own to help keep the stress down in your life and keep your mental health in as good of condition as the rest of you.
Today most people get on average 4 to 6 hours of exercise every day, and make sure that everything they put in their mouths is not filled with sugars or preservatives, but they pay no attention to their mental health, no vacations, not even the occasional long weekend, 60 hour weeks, taking work home with them and even working weekends. All of this for hopes of one day getting that big promotion. What good will it do you when your brain overloads and you have a breakdown in the office.
In the end your physical health will suffer no matter how well you eat and how often you exercise. You will wind up with high blood pressure, stress and tension all of which raises the chances of you having a stroke or heart attack.
In hopes of helping you avoid this I am providing you with the things I do to keep my mental health in tip top condition.
My absolute favorite thing to do to refocus myself is to go for a long ride on my Harley. Nothing brings the world back into focus like riding free like the wind, there is no better forms of therapy as far as I am concerned.
Another great way to relieve the stresses in your life and help put a sparkle in your mental health is a trip to the casinos. Most people go to the casinos and expect to go home a winner, I do not. I go to have a good time.
I enjoy the skill required in
Sometime I just like to sit at a poker table, blackjack table or roulette table and just make small bets. This may not be as exciting as risking large sums of money, but in the end I play longer, and I probably win more often. The best part is because I do not expect to win I am not disappointed when I don’t win, and on those occasions that I do win beside going home with more money I have a supper big smile on my face because the night was all that much better.
Another reason why I love the casinos is how far they are from where I live so I can take my bike out in the morning have a good 3 hour drive to Atlantic City then at the end of the day I get to enjoy another 3 hours on my Harley, and if the weather is really bad I can either take my truck or just stay home and log on to one of the many online casinos available to choose from.
I also enjoy watching an hour or 2 of television every night, some light sitcoms are a great way to lighten your minds load, and laughing out loud for 30 seconds every day is a great way to release stress.
Video games are also great for stress release, if you are mad at your boss what better way to get it out of you then boxing, just imagine you are pounding on your boss and hope you don’t lose.
I hope you try some of these methods or think of some of your own to help keep the stress down in your life and keep your mental health in as good of condition as the rest of you.
When You Are In Your Thirties And Still Single
Desiree, 34, a freelance interior decorator and a Martha Stewart fanatic, goes on a trip every holiday season to visit her parents in Bedford, Indiana. She usually arrives a week before Christmas Eve. Holidays were supposed to be happy events, but not for Desiree. She dreaded the holiday season which means she has to face the questions again from her own parents and relatives. Family reunions makes her feel so uncomfortable because everyone from her teenage niece to an assortment of cousins are already “taken.” That time of the year, she always found herself on the spot for being the only single person in family.
It doesn’t help to see your own father in the corner looking at you, as if he was asking: “What is wrong with you?” Your mother also pretends not to hear the most frequently asked question in the house whenever you have guests: “Is your daughter married?”
Single and unattached…biological clock ticking. This is the dilemma faced by Desiree and the exact source of all her stress and anxiety.
After the holidays, she always ends up with the conclusion that there is no room for a single white female in a family that expects all women to be married; and no room in her circle of friends who all have their own boyfriends and flings. People around her, she concluded, looked at her as someone who kissed dating goodbye.
Yes, there are many Desirees out there waiting for their “someone” to come along. But are they waiting in vain?
Career women, once they realize they are not getting any younger, immediately panic and think that they have already been left behind in the game of love. Once they realize that they too yearn for the comforts of a loving relationship, career women begin to take more time for social interaction… hoping to meet someone who could free them from the Single Life. Women, mostly in their thirties, have already realized that “singlehood” has already lost its novelty.
But its not just the single women who feel this way. Even single parents like Terry, a thirty-something attractive chef and mother of twins also miss the security and warmth of being in a relationship. Life is tough for her especially since her twin boys miss their father so much.
But there is always hope for the single and separated.
There is no need to sulk because you are in a “single” situation. At this time in your life, it is good to consider the following recommendations:
l Love yourself – Take care of your well being. Pamper yourself. It needs not to be expensive
It doesn’t help to see your own father in the corner looking at you, as if he was asking: “What is wrong with you?” Your mother also pretends not to hear the most frequently asked question in the house whenever you have guests: “Is your daughter married?”
Single and unattached…biological clock ticking. This is the dilemma faced by Desiree and the exact source of all her stress and anxiety.
After the holidays, she always ends up with the conclusion that there is no room for a single white female in a family that expects all women to be married; and no room in her circle of friends who all have their own boyfriends and flings. People around her, she concluded, looked at her as someone who kissed dating goodbye.
Yes, there are many Desirees out there waiting for their “someone” to come along. But are they waiting in vain?
Career women, once they realize they are not getting any younger, immediately panic and think that they have already been left behind in the game of love. Once they realize that they too yearn for the comforts of a loving relationship, career women begin to take more time for social interaction… hoping to meet someone who could free them from the Single Life. Women, mostly in their thirties, have already realized that “singlehood” has already lost its novelty.
But its not just the single women who feel this way. Even single parents like Terry, a thirty-something attractive chef and mother of twins also miss the security and warmth of being in a relationship. Life is tough for her especially since her twin boys miss their father so much.
But there is always hope for the single and separated.
There is no need to sulk because you are in a “single” situation. At this time in your life, it is good to consider the following recommendations:
l Love yourself – Take care of your well being. Pamper yourself. It needs not to be expensive
Of Morality And Integrity A True Story
Recently in India, a news appeared. The news was not shocking but must be given a second thought. A sex worker had not told her daughter about her profession and saved enough money to send her daughter for higher education to Australia. After daughter came to know the source of mother’s income, the report says that the mother and daughter have come closer.
This story has great human touch of a sacrificing mother saving for her daughter to keep her daughter away from the profession she was involved in. Ok till now. What about the daughter? Should she agree to go abroad and study and let her mother continue in the profession she so hates? Should she use the money from the profession so hated by the mother that the mother has decided to keep her daughter away from it any cost? Should the daughter not persuade the mother to donate all the collected money, begin earning honorably and keep her mother away from a profession her mother feels is dishonorable?
Will the daughter come back from Australia and begin earning well, and then ask her mother to stop? Will she study happily till then all the time realizing what her mother is doing? What value for such education when the person has no values? What
value for such money that is considered dishonorable by the mother? What value for such a relationship where every thought and decision is massively confused?
If moral and right living is the goal then the daughter should ask the mother to immediately stop what she has been doing. Refuse to touch the money and help mother come out of this moral confusion. Nothing moral and good ever came out from immoral acts. No strong building can be constructed on the foundation of sand.
We sometimes forget that good life requires sacrifices. Nothing good comes out comfortably. Life is complex and takes tests at every step. Please think about this story again, and imagine of the past and future of such people and such relationships. A non-integral person never gets any peace. A non-integral person can never give any peace. A liar and a dishonest person can never preach stories of honesty.
Both the mother and the daughter should come to term with mother’s deeds. Atone for the perceived sins of the mother and get on with a life that teaches frugal living but honest and moral earning. Please remember that prostitution is a dishonorable profession. This though has not come from me, but from the mother herself. Moral questions do not have easy answers. Please read this story again and decide about the moral questions that are present in front of the mother and the daughter.
This story has great human touch of a sacrificing mother saving for her daughter to keep her daughter away from the profession she was involved in. Ok till now. What about the daughter? Should she agree to go abroad and study and let her mother continue in the profession she so hates? Should she use the money from the profession so hated by the mother that the mother has decided to keep her daughter away from it any cost? Should the daughter not persuade the mother to donate all the collected money, begin earning honorably and keep her mother away from a profession her mother feels is dishonorable?
Will the daughter come back from Australia and begin earning well, and then ask her mother to stop? Will she study happily till then all the time realizing what her mother is doing? What value for such education when the person has no values? What
value for such money that is considered dishonorable by the mother? What value for such a relationship where every thought and decision is massively confused?
If moral and right living is the goal then the daughter should ask the mother to immediately stop what she has been doing. Refuse to touch the money and help mother come out of this moral confusion. Nothing moral and good ever came out from immoral acts. No strong building can be constructed on the foundation of sand.
We sometimes forget that good life requires sacrifices. Nothing good comes out comfortably. Life is complex and takes tests at every step. Please think about this story again, and imagine of the past and future of such people and such relationships. A non-integral person never gets any peace. A non-integral person can never give any peace. A liar and a dishonest person can never preach stories of honesty.
Both the mother and the daughter should come to term with mother’s deeds. Atone for the perceived sins of the mother and get on with a life that teaches frugal living but honest and moral earning. Please remember that prostitution is a dishonorable profession. This though has not come from me, but from the mother herself. Moral questions do not have easy answers. Please read this story again and decide about the moral questions that are present in front of the mother and the daughter.
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